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Who’s in your circle?

Several months ago, I posted a quote on my facebook page that said:

“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”

I received a few inboxes about this post because it struck a nerve with a few people. So I want to take the time to explain what this means as it relates to single women.

When you look around at your circle of friends, are you surrounded by people who are where you want to be or are you surrounded by people who are in the same situation you are in? If you are surrounded by people who are in the same situation you are in, how do you plan to grow and learn and get to where you want to be?

As a single woman, I intentionally make friends with women who are happily married – which is where I want to be. I have two close friends in particular who have been married for 22 years and 30 years. And in the time that we have been friends, I have learned so much about marriage – not just the stuff you read in books and hear in church. I’m talking about the real stuff that marriage is about. These women have shared so much wisdom with me – things that they wish someone had told them when they were younger. Because of this aspect of our friendship, the rose colored glasses that I once wore has been replaced with real life prescription glasses. I have learned and I have grown as a woman and they have helped me to become more mentally prepared for marriage.

What do you think would happen if I’d never befriended married women? If I only surrounded myself with single thirty-something women who have had their hearts broken and have never experienced a successful marriage? In the worst case scenario, if these friends are bitter behind their singleness, that same bitterness can rub off on you. In the best case scenario, you will be stuck in your same way of being and thinking, never really getting any exposure to what it takes to have a successful marriage.

True story: I used to be a member of a church. I really enjoyed the church and I enjoyed the Sunday school classes. I don’t remember the exact topic that was being discussed at that time, but as the women began to respond, they began to reflect on their singleness. I had never noticed before that day, but out of a class of 20+ women, only one was married. And only one was a newlywed. All others were divorced or never married and never planned on getting married. And their response to this particular topic in Sunday school reflected their negative beliefs about ever finding love again. That was such an eye opener for me. While there are things to be learned from single women, I didn’t want to be like them. They could teach me about the mistakes they made that resulted in their current situation. But I was more interested in learning about how to be successful in relationships and marriage. Needless to say, I didn’t stay in that class very long after that. Instead, I found another class that was suitable to what I was looking for.

The point of all of this is to say the people who you spend the most time around reflects the person that you are and the person you wish to become. If you are single and want to be married, add a few friends to your circle who are happily married. Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be so that you can grow and learn and be prepared.

Never be afraid to change or improve your circle.

~SAM

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